Many are more eloquent than me. Many have shared their memories of that fateful day, where they were at, what they were doing, and how they felt. I wish to sing with that chorus.

I am not really certain why I felt more sensitive or emotional today. There was really no change from the 15, 18, or 19 year anniversary. But I felt myself pondering and deliberating, moved to tears multiple times by music and commemorative videos. I honored the 20th anniversary in Burley, Idaho with my family. I pulled my journal from 2001 to see what I wrote then. Here are a couple of excerpts.

“The past days are days never to be forgotten. Shock, anguish, anger, and peace. Not only catastrophic terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington D.C. which I shall not rehearse. They leave me in such sorrow for those people. I have wept several times. My little heart strings are tried in many ways. Such loss of life. Also a sense of awe in the brute power this government has. The whole world is shuttering at the thought of America angry. Even Germany, England, and France are quick to say we are on your side more in fear than just loyalty. It looks as if we may go to war. Even Afghanistan is quick to say they will do what we want. A country not totally cooperative in the past.” Recorded 13 September 2001.

“It is strangely imaginable how much life can change in the space of a few days… I was impressed that Friday was a national day of prayer. I listened to a portion of the service at that National Cathedral in Washington D.C. I was very moved, especially with the Battle Hymn of the Republic. The church also had a service I saw a small part of. A service done by the church in the tabernacle. A very moving scene with the two huge flags draped behind the choir… Although I had to work Sunday I knew would be a hard day for me. I had high emotions and with the tragedy this week… Sacrament was amazing. I sat with Paul & Kathryn [England]. The Bishopric all spoke and several musical numbers. The Hughes brothers sang ‘Lord, Make Me an Instrument of they Peace.’ Kathryn sang ‘In My Father’s House There are Many Mansions.’ The Lowes did a medley with Bonnie of ‘Where can I turn for Peach, Abide with Me, and I need Thee Every Hour.’ One of the things that stuck out with the meeting was we need to forgive, but justice must be served. The opening hymn was ‘America.’ Powerful.” Recorded 17 September 2001.

I didn’t write as much as I thought I might have, especially with the vivid memories I have. 11 September 2001 was what 22 November 1963 was to my parents. 11 September 2001 was what 7 December 1941 was for my grandparents. So it is through the generations before. Where and what they were doing when they heard about x, y, or z. The assassination of Lincoln or Garfield or Ferdinand. The sinking of the Reuben James or the Bismarck. Or the surrender of Cornwall. I guess it depends on what generation or the incident.

Here is my story of 11 September 2001. I was living with Gary & Lena Hughes at 368 Santa Fe Ave, Branson, Missouri. I managed the dinner theater for the Hughes Brothers. As such, I worked late evenings and usually got up in the morning to an empty home. I often got up and prepared for the day, ate breakfast, and usually practiced the piano and singing. Most of the time the local radio was playing in the background, the station usually 1930s-1950s music.

This morning was different. I woke up and I remember thinking the day was heavy. The radio was not on, I did not practice. It was quiet and solemn. I ate and headed to the theater for the first show of the day. The drive to the theater was usually less than 10 minutes.

I turned on the radio half way to the theater. There was discussion about damage to a skyscraper and confusion on which of the buildings had been hit. I did not get enough information to know where or what had happened. But I understood there was a potential attack on the United States.

I arrived at the theater and I could sense the pandemonium. It was big, whatever had happened. But the buses were arriving and we needed to get the people seated and ready for the first show. Some of the people were just as unaware as me, others were visibly upset, others were just emotionless. As the time got closer there was a sense of panic of whether to cancel, how to alter the show, what to do moving forward. The information coming to us from the office was becoming more clear as to what had happened. The show started late. It was going to be mostly impromptu.

I watched from the balcony as Jason Hughes welcomed the audience. He gave an update for everyone present. Asked whether the show could start with a prayer. A prayer was uttered. I don’t recall if it was first or not, but the Hughes Brothers sang their version of Secret Prayer. It still haunts me today, the memory, the song. We were communing in a theater church. There were hymns, patriotic music, and a smattering of other songs. It is all fuzzy to me now 20 years later, but Secret Prayer is the show for me. I was likely back and forth between the offices and the balcony of the theater. The response at intermission and afterward was extremely positive. Those people had been uplifted.

Here is a link to the Hughes Brothers singing the song.

https://fb.watch/7ZgEY7GbIs/

As the day went on it was interesting to see the reactions of individuals. There was a general consensus we were headed to war. Some were so distraught that our nation and way of life was ending. Others were hopeful this was an isolated incident. There were many tears and emotions were high. One individual in the office was trying to figure out ways to avoid the draft that was sure to come. I was turning 22 that same month, prime age. Do we enlist or just wait it out. Others commented about their parents and the bombing of Pearl Harbor and how they mobilized.

My Grandfather Ross and Grandmother Jonas had both planted a seed in my heart and a desire to serve in the military. I looked forward to the opportunity and yet feared what might yet come. Too this day, I still wonder how I will yet serve and get that honorable flag on my casket.

As the days pressed forward we watched a revitalization of unity in faith and our nation. I do not believe it was the time I felt the strongest for my country, but it was the time when it was the most palpable.

That is all I recall of the day looking back. My journal helped me recall the international unity and coalescing against terror and evil. I do long for the days of trying to do what is right for the nation as opposed for the party or individual. May those days again return, but not due to some terrible tragedy. Unfortunately, that does not seem to be in the cards. But one can hope. Whether in this life of the next, it will come. “It’s the place where dreams come true.”