Of Rights and Responsibilities: The Social Ecosystem of Religious Freedom
Art and Golden Coley
Introduction
Distinguished guests, colleagues and friends, it is an honor to speak to you today. The subject of religious freedom continues to raise new questions. We have come to learn a little more from many of the most able minds and willing hearts in the field. If we listen to each other carefully, we will be better equipped to meet the challenges and opportunities of today and tomorrow.
Most of us drink from the waters of religious freedom without even knowing it. We think of it as a river that will always flow. But we might not recognize the risks to the tributaries that feed that river.
The perpetuation of religious liberty requires that it be understood and valued by the rising generations. There is a need for them to comprehend what religious freedom brings to society and what is lost when this liberty is eroded. When young people come to understand why this freedom is crucial to their own aspirations, welfare and happiness, they will feel inspired to act to strengthen and preserve religious freedom.
Community and Commitment
To better understand the freedoms we now enjoy, we can look to history. My parents came from what you in the United States call “the greatest generation.” They both served in the British armed forces in World War II — my father in the Royal Air Force, my mother in the Army as a nurse. Between them they served across Europe, North Africa, India and Burma. They fought for their neighbors, they fought in defense of their homeland and they certainly fought for religious freedom, but I don’t suppose that was a phrase they would have used at the time. With so many others, they warded off the tyranny of Nazism. So many freedoms were on the line, and that generation gave everything they had in their defense. Vast swaths of Europe were overrun, with massive casualties. Whole nations were subjugated by tyrants whose aim was to conquer and not only suppress freedoms, including religious freedom, but wipe out and destroy people of particular ethnic backgrounds, faith and belief. The generation which confronted these demonic threats did so with phenomenal courage. It took a society that possessed a highly developed social solidarity and mutual accountability to bring about such a moral achievement.
After six unspeakably harrowing years, the war was won. In the ensuing years, those who had experienced this conflict saw society through the lens of that experience. After a decade or two, they observed the next generation, which had not been where they had been nor confronted what they had seen. These young people became concerned with what in many cases the wartime generation regarded as lesser things. The cohesion that had come from shared hardship borne of an existential threat began to wear off. I was a child through part of this period. The protests of the 1960s found their way onto our television screen. What they exhibited in raw emotional power, they often lacked in sustained social commitment. These actions ranged from bus boycotts to opposition to the Vietnam War to campus protests over student fees. They were all motivated by worthy purposes, but on their own, these purposes were limited without the continuous obligations borne of shared vision and purpose. Of course, protest is a vital function in a democracy, and free people are free because they are able to challenge the status quo and those they have elected. But during those years, the youth of Britain sometimes appeared to protest for its own sake. My parents lamented the shift toward a mindset of rights with no apparent regard for, or reference to, responsibilities. The two must work together; passion and duty must connect. And that concept is what I would like to address — our rights and the responsibilities associated with those rights.
Today it might appear to some that rights just happen — that they are automatically inherited and perpetuated without thought or effort. We can forget the extraordinary struggle, resolve and sacrifice that went into protecting our abundance. We may rarely think about our obligations to keep those rights in place.
The Heart of Religious Freedom
For a time, I lived in a country that did not allow the free expression of religion. I witnessed how people who dared to stray from the official line could be punished. Unfortunately, this continues today in many nations across the globe. Violation of religious freedom is one of the main reasons why we see so many refugees and displaced people today. Religious differences become religious alienation, alienation turns into persecution, and persecution turns to conflict, war and mass flight. These crises happen when freedoms, including religious freedom and freedom of conscience, are not protected. Regimes target those who believe differently, force them from their homes and uproot them in terrifying ways. In 2015 and 2016, from one end of Europe to the other, I saw firsthand countless ordinary people driven from their homes and lands further to the east across countries and continents in search of safety and refuge. Often their beliefs were a factor in why they were displaced.
Hatred and terror drove these people from their homes. The world needs places of refuge from such extremism. Where liberty thrives, it flows almost invisibly. We experience the benefits of it all the time but rarely see how it actually works. Religious liberty acts as the heart of society, a key contributor carrying the lifeblood of all that is good to the whole community.
Healthy societies run on trust, confidence and a sense of safety. With freedom of religion and belief, people feel safe in their deepest convictions and can express and exercise them publicly. The great enemy of religious freedom is estrangement and alienation. When a society or government divides people based on what they believe, how they think, the words they say, whom they worship or the manner in which they worship, common ground is lost, and life together becomes a battle. The test of a pluralistic society is to achieve unity without diminishing the diversity within it.
Religious freedom means nothing if you protect your own religious practice while neglecting the practice of others, especially those who might be less secure and able to defend themselves. It only works if you protect the rights of everyone. As Elder D. Todd Christofferson, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has said, religious freedom is important precisely because it gives everyone — religious or not — the “space to determine for ourselves what we think and believe.”[1] In terms of numbers and inherited culture, the United States has a Christian majority, but unless it honors the lawful practices of Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Native American religions and everyone else, including individuals and groups who profess no faith at all, it will fail to live up to its own ideals. [2]
We all need to be consistent in defending and respecting everyone. And doing so does not mean you have to diminish your own beliefs. That’s how all our rights will be taken seriously. We can’t pick and choose who gets what rights. Every religion is susceptible to the fluctuations of prominence and obscurity. The cultural group that enjoys privilege today may lose it tomorrow, even in nations where the rule of law and democratic principles have been enshrined for centuries.
Having a broad view of religious liberty helps us see that it is universal, not just the preserve of those who are powerful or popular. Religious freedom is suprapolitical, something that is part of our nature before politics declares it to be so. Every person, regardless of religion, race, gender, orientation or nationality, possesses fundamental rights simply by being human. They include the right to life, liberty, security, equal protection of the law and the freedom of thought, speech, and religion, as well as protection from political extremism. But we all must remember, be taught and pass on the responsibilities that come with these rights.
Rights are inscribed in laws, constitutions and charters the world over, but they were first imprinted in the human heart by a loving God. One of the founders of this nation, Alexander Hamilton, wrote, “The sacred rights of mankind are not to be rummaged for among old parchments or musty records. They are written, as with a sun beam, in the whole volume of human nature, by the hand of the divinity itself; and can never be erased or obscured by mortal power.”[3]
Though these inalienable rights come from above, they still have to be cultivated by human beings below. It is up to us — it is the responsibility associated with these rights — to implement, protect and anchor them in our daily life.
Two Sides of the Religious Freedom Coin
Rights and responsibilities can’t be separated without negative consequences. The symbiosis between rights and responsibilities is often forgotten in the rush to demand that something be given to us, while forgetting to foster the conditions in which that right can even be respected or have meaning.
Appropriately exercised, rights and responsibilities move in a virtuous circle. We are more inclined to honor the rights of people when we know them personally and feel a sense of responsibility for their well-being. Meaning in life comes from giving yourself to others, not demanding that others give to you. Author and commentator David Brooks has written that joy comes from commitment:
“In reality, the people who live best tie themselves down. They don’t ask: What cool thing can I do next? They ask: What is my responsibility here? They respond to some problem or get called out of themselves by a deep love. By planting themselves in one neighborhood, one organization or one mission, they earn trust. They have the freedom to make a lasting difference. It’s the chains we choose that set us free.”[4]
Important work in religious freedom is found in walking a mile with your brother and sister, listening to a stranger talk about their religious experience, and in the gentle efforts of dialogue and persuasion.
The study of religious liberty has so many facets and nuances it can be dizzying. The conversation often focuses on the law — what it is, what it should be, what it protects, what it should protect, how it sets boundaries and so on. Law is vital and is an essential part of a bigger picture. However, rights act more like habits than dry edicts. Law and custom must work together.
Behind every right, if we look closely enough, stand layers upon layers of social practices that regulate innumerable human interactions in societies, families, marriages, friendships and all human relationships. They are called “norms,” and they require innumerable transactions of give and take. The demands we make of the law only make sense when embedded in a web of countless norms that make our society possible. We need to keep finding ways to align what we demand with what we can contribute—to our families, workplaces, neighborhoods, churches, schools and communities.
Understanding and appreciation of religious freedom will need to move from the exclusive realm of specialists to a much broader audience, to include those who don’t grasp the intricacies of the law nor have the capacity to influence the law in conventional ways.
To do this, we will need to reframe our own understanding and more effectively articulate what this freedom means and the responsibility it brings. We have a particular obligation to carry this to a younger audience who will be charged to see these freedoms protected and responsibilities fulfilled in the coming years.
A Challenge to Embrace
Many in the rising generation today are concerned about serving those in need, making a difference, changing the world and helping their community. They seek morality and responsibility, and understand the language of universality. Our young people can be jaded by exclusion, inconsistent application of laws and entrenched interests of a few to the detriment of many. They are attuned to the authentic. They are outward-looking and deeply sensitive to treating people fairly and equally. Their yearning to serve is deep. All of this is wonderful and promising!
But on the whole, the religiosity of young people is shifting. They are much less inclined to identify with a particular religion, let alone attend church.[5] They can see religion as stifling their values of inclusion and tolerance. But it is not only the youth; the trend toward a secularized public life affects all ages.[6] One of the results is that our culture is fragmenting into cultural and ideological tribes.
President Gordon B. Hinckley, former president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, once said, “Men everywhere seem to be groping as in darkness, casting aside the traditions that were the strength of our society yet unable to find a new star to guide them.”[7]
Peter Beinart, a writer and political science professor at City University of New York, sees a connection between decreasing religious activity and increasing political conflict. He recently wrote, “Maybe religion builds habits and networks that help people better weather national traumas, and thus retain their faith that the system works. For whatever reason, secularization isn’t easing political conflict. It’s making American politics even more convulsive and zero-sum.”[8]
We can help fill this void with a positive message and constructive actions. There is a need, and a real opportunity, for religious freedom to be framed differently and be more clearly understood.
Be a Force in the World
Do we fear the world more than we shape it? Do we let our anxieties prevent us from making a difference? Do we spend more time hiding from society’s flaws than fixing its problems?
How we answer these questions determines what our social environment looks like. It is always changing, and improves or deteriorates depending on our actions. Society is not something that just happens to us; it is something we help shape.
The main thing is to engage, dialogue, bridge and interact with people of all sorts. Unless we participate, we lose our ability to both influence the world and learn from it. As British novelist E.M. Forster put it, “Only connect! … Live in fragments no longer.”[9]
We all have a stake in this debate. “No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.”[10] The poet John Donne wrote these words nearly 400 years ago, but they still resonate today.
Contributing to the good of society is part of our spiritual stewardship. Jesus taught his followers to be the light of the world and the salt of the earth. Let your light shine, he said, as a city on a hill. Salt was an ancient symbol of friendship and generosity. And like salt, we have a duty to savor person-to-person connections and nurture amity between adversaries. We must not cloister ourselves with others who think like us and congregations that believe like us. Jesus demonstrated how to lift society, moving deliberately to the despised, the diseased and the misunderstood, listening to and healing them.
I have been inspired by the goodness and selflessness of members of my own church who reach out to those in need. Wherever I have witnessed, in the course of my service, those afflicted by fire, flood or any manner of natural disaster or humanitarian crisis, our people have been there. When visiting such a location in California, I was asked if I knew what FEMA stood for. As I struggled with “Federal… Emergency…,” my friend said, “No, it’s ‘Find Every Mormon Available.’” It was said in jest, but more than once media has reported that the first two groups at the scene were the Mormons and the Latter-day Saints — reminding us of the uphill task we have to be known by our full name. The point is, our people do go out of their way, a very long way out of their way, to help in crises the world over. This isn’t only disaster response and assisting refugees. These devoted souls are there in those often invisible, private, chronic situations which can last a lifetime. And of course it’s not just our people; we work alongside representatives of numerous other faiths, often partnering with them in some of the most challenging parts of the world. There are certainly those involved doing extraordinary work for whom faith is not a driving force. But these contributions with our fellow believers are vast. And, importantly in today’s context, they are often overlooked. Part of that is our own fault, as we can have something of a tortured relationship with the idea of telling people about these good works. As a church, we are torn between having these efforts be private and letting that light shine in a way that will create awareness that we take our responsibility of contributing to society very seriously. We will probably need to talk more openly about these contributions, letting people know that at the heart of our faith is the desire to help our fellow human beings, wherever they are, people of faith and no faith at all. And that we do so without seeking converts in these most trying moments in people’s lives.
We need to help many more young people see the opportunities the free exercise of religion provides to serve others in need and unite communities in ways that benefit all people. And we need to help them understand that the expression of religious belief through community service is dependent on religious freedom. With this understanding, they will not only value religious freedom more deeply but will courageously act to strengthen and perpetuate it.
Influencing society always seems to be the job of someone else — someone with more power, more money, more time. Perhaps we expect some program or sponsor to take the lead. But when it comes to taking care of people, there is no “someone else”; there is only us. Civic engagement requires people to freely act on their beliefs and solve the problems of their communities. If the prevailing philanthropic desires of our rising generation are to be harnessed and maximized, our young people will need to come to the same conclusion as have so many of us here today. And that is, that this is the most worthy of causes — a spring which feeds so many others. It represents our highest and holiest beliefs, and at the same time, blesses individuals, families, communities of all descriptions and entire nations. How to unite these benevolent desires of the rising generation with the responsibility of preserving religious freedom, along with every other inalienable right, is the task before all of us, and I am so grateful that you have gathered in this way to address just that.
We have a responsibility to help and, as God told the Prophet Jeremiah, “seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.”[11]
Conclusion
Now to conclude, every society has a foundation of truths, rules, expectations and norms which guide their thinking and their actions every day. Many take them for granted. And like all things we suppose will simply always be there for us — like the air we breathe — we hardly notice them. That is, until they’re challenged. And then we have to look closely and really get to know them, as if discovering them for the first time. So it is with religious freedom.
The way we all as human beings form our deepest beliefs is perhaps life’s greatest journey of discovery. The freedom in which we do so is precious. Our ability to practice and share those beliefs as we learn of and come to understand the beliefs of others enriches us all, broadens our view and creates harmony. A climate in which we are free to believe and practice is also a climate in which we can contribute. Religious freedom demands both the universal right and the universal responsibility, and it is our turn to do our part.
As human beings and the children of divine creation, we all want to live by a moral vision and want to share it with others. In doing this, we enter the realm of both religion and politics. This can be messy and contentious, but we have reason to be optimistic. As Martin Luther King Jr. was so fond of saying, drawing from the abolitionist Theodore Parker, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”[12]
We are in that arc, and God expects us to do our part in nudging it toward justice. This is our work. Thank you.
By Elder Patrick Kearon of the Presidency of the Seventy
This talk was a keynote address at the Religious Freedom Annual Review at Brigham Young University on June 19, 2019.
With the suicide of a dear young man, Bryce Allen Sanderson, I thought I would share these thoughts and this talk once again. In memory of Garrett Lee Smith and Lowell Eugene Hansen. Both of them forced the concept of suicide into my life and required I come to some understanding of the idea. I wanted to give some memories of these two individuals and the doctrinal concepts surrounding suicide. What is suicide? How does God look at suicide? How am I supposed to deal with suicide? How does God deal with those who commit suicide? I hope this talk will help address some of these questions as we all ponder once again this unthinkable act, that brings upon a person their own death.
Lowell Hansen was an acquaintance I knew in Paul, Idaho. I was young enough that I knew who he was, but did not really know anything about him. After I was charged by a bull at our house, I remembered that within days he appeared at our home and removed the charge from the bull. I watched him shoot, hang, gut, clean, and cut the bull. It was fascinating. I remember recognizing the butcher truck each time when I would see it on the road or at some other location. I knew he built a log home because I always saw the truck parked near it. Years later after I became involved in the same congregation and came to know him a little more as Brother Hansen. It was not until I returned from my mission that I realized he even had a family. I moved back to home in the fall of 2002 and I was assigned as a Home Teacher to one of Lowell’s daughters. It was only then I really started to get to know the Hansen family more on a personal level. It was shortly after that Lowell decided to end his life much like he did that bull. I attempted to help minister, however weakly, somewhat to the needs of his daughter and her then boyfriend. The talk I reproduce in full below was given at his funeral and has provided much of the basis for my feelings and ideas on suicide. I have gained my own testimony of the talk and testify openly of its principles and truth.
Garrett Smith was on a bit more personal level for me. I first learned of him in Manchester, England when he was assigned my companion as a new missionary. I was called as a trainer to him, although I only knew of him as Elder Smith. We served together, 24 hours a day, for 6 weeks. We had many a conversation and became close friends. I had some frustrations with him due to some of his learning disabilities and my lack of patience. He knew of this and I do not think it always helped in our relationship. When the 6 weeks were up, we had both profoundly influenced the other. He convinced me that I should consider leaving civil engineering and looking more into political science and law. I think I had convinced him that his disabilities were not a very good excuse for settling for mediocrity. I left England to return home in 2000 and he finished in 2002. We had planned several occasions where we would get together for old time’s sake, but they kept falling through due to poor scheduling and other issues. We finally set a date to get together on the 13th of September in 2003. I was going to drive down to Orem, Utah where he was and spend the weekend. Unfortunately, I received a phone call that week only to find he had hanged himself in a closet after consuming alcohol and sleeping pills. I had a great desire to attend his funeral so a roommate from Logan drove with me to Pendleton, Oregon for the funeral. I took a copy of the talk from Lowell’s funeral with me and gave it to Garrett’s parents. Garrett’s mom, Sharon, later thanked me for the talk. Our Mission President, Phil Wightman, spoke at the funeral and while I doubt he had read the talk, he referenced very similar themes as Hyrum Smith did at Lowell’s funeral (Hyrum Smith was Lowell’s Mission President too). Sometimes I find myself wondering what Garrett’s life would be like if he wasn’t reposing at Weston, Oregon.
I lost the talk over the years and had repeated requests come to me for a copy of it. Those asking were mostly individuals I had shared with at the time of Garrett’s funeral who were moved by it and wanted to give a copy of it when someone else took their life. I had probably a dozen requests for the talk in 2010, so I ended up contacting Lowell’s widow for a copy.
Here is a copy of the talk by Hyrum Smith given 6 December 2002 at the funeral of Lowell Eugene Hansen in Paul, Idaho. At the end, I will give some other thoughts I remember Phil Wightman giving at Garrett’s funeral.
~
My brothers and sisters, I wasn’t really sure until about 3 o’clock this morning why I was asked to be here, but somewhere around three, I knew. The spirit indicated to me that I am uniquely qualified to speak here today, and I’ll share with you why as I share some thoughts with you.
I’m honored and humbled that Emma Jean asked me to be here. When she called Monday, I was stunned as I’m sure all of you were.
Public speaking is not something that is foreign to me. I do it for a living. I’ve spoken before thousands of audiences, but never an assignment like this. I’d like to begin by suggesting that we are met here today in the house of God. That same God who sent Jesus here to help us. We meet today in the name of Jesus Christ who died to save us. I would ask that you keep that in mind as I share a few thoughts with you this morning.
I’d like to begin by sharing four scriptures with you that describe, as many scriptures do, how our Father in Heaven, and our Savior feel about us. I think we need to be especially reminded of that. I’d like to go first with the 29th section of the Doctrine and Covenants and read verse 5 “Lift up your hearts and be glad for I am in your midst and am your advocate with the Father. And it is His good will to give you the kingdom.” I would then take you to the 62nd section of the Doctrine and Covenants and read verse 1, “Behold and hearken, o ye Elders of my church saith the Lord your God. Even Jesus Christ, your advocate, who knoweth the weakness of man and how to succor them who are tempted.” Now go with me to John, Chapter 3, verse 16, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. That whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world but that the world, through Him, might be saved.” Last I would take you back to the Doctrine and Covenants, in section 18. “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. For behold, the Lord, your Redeemer, suffered death in the flesh. Wherefore He suffered pain of all men that all men might repent and come unto Him. And He hath risen again from the dead that He might bring all men unto Him on conditions of repentance. And how great is His joy in the soul that repenteth.” I share those scriptures with you, brothers and sisters, as a preamble to what I would ask you to consider as we have met here today.
This wonderful man, father, husband, son, brother, missionary, I knew him well as a missionary. He was one of the great missionaries of our mission – most of the Idaho people were. He made a big mistake the other night. Huge mistake. He knows that he made that mistake now. It cost him his life. But only his body died the other night. His soul, his spirit, his brain, his mind are still very much alive – very active. It’s like going into another room.
I was led to a talk that Elder Jeffrey Holland gave at a very similar funeral. Jeff Holland and I served as missionaries in the same mission, British mission, lots of years ago. He’s a very dear friend. He was asked to speak at the funeral of a young man who had taken his life. This is what Elder Holland said, and I am going to interject Lowell’s name into these remarks, because they fit perfectly today. “We’re here to celebrate Lowell’s life, not his death. We’re here to praise the Lord and love God for the atonement and the resurrection, but we’re also here to say, particularly to the youth in this congregation and others who struggle, that Lowell made a mistake. Now he would be the first to say that. Someone said, ‘A man to be good, and I would add a woman, must imagine intensely and comprehensively – he must put himself in the place of another – the pains and pleasures of the man that has become his own. Until he can do that, he must never sit in judgment on a man or his motives.’ We need a better vocabulary, Emma Jean. We know what we mean when we use the language of death. But the master of heaven and earth, the Savior of the world, the Redeemer of all mankind, the living Resurrection said that, “When you live and believe in Him, you never die.” So, we’ll let Lowell go for a while. But he’s not dead, in any eternal sense, and you know that. You know that now, you’ll know it tomorrow, and you’ll know it next week. You’ll especially know it when he is spiritually close to you, whispers to you in your dreams, helps through the veil to raise your grandchildren. You’ll know that Lowell lives. It is important to me to bear testimony to you that Lowell lives – just as we testify that God lives and Jesus lives. We testify that Lowell lives and spiritually and is loved of God and of us. We miss him. Death was an intruder this week. We weren’t ready. We do miss him and we are sorry, but none of that diminishes the brightness of his life. The grandeur of God’s plans – the reality of life and the resurrection – of eternity and the Celestial kingdom. Lowell is being buried with all the promises and symbols of his covenants safely around him. God in his mercy will work out all the arrangements even as Lowell works out his acknowledgement of his mistake.” Un-quote.
Those are words of an Apostle of God. I would like to pose five questions to you now. The first of which no one has an answer for, but I think we need to deal with it, because I don’t think there is a person in this room that hasn’t asked this question in the last five days. The second, third, and fourth question, I came from southern Utah this morning, to answer. Because there are answers to those three questions, and I believe I can answer them for you. The fifth question, only the people in this room can answer. I don’t know what that answer will be, but I’m going to pose it.
Here’s the first question, which has been on the minds and lips of probably everyone. “What was he thinking about?” What possibly could have driven him to make this mistake? What’s the answer? I don’t know. Nobody here knows. What sort of despair and anguish and pain causes someone to do that? I don’t know! He made a mistake, so we really don’t know the answer to that question. But that’s not the important question.
The second question, the one that I think I am uniquely qualified to answer, and one of the reasons why I think I was asked to be here is, “What is Lowell thinking now?” Lowell’s very much alive. He thinks, he breathes; he has probably had an opportunity to walk with his Father in Heaven. DO you want me to tell you what he is thinking now? He’s afraid. He’s sorry. He’s in anguish. He’s suffering. He’s wishing he hadn’t done it. I know that. How do I know? Several years ago, I made some big mistakes. We all make mistakes. Hopefully not as big as the ones I made. Because of those mistakes, it was required that I lose my membership in the church for several years. And after I went through the process of approaching my Bishop and my Stake President, and going through the church judicial system – which is amazing, I found myself asking the first question a lot. What was I thinking? I couldn’t even answer that question for me. But I know what I thought about after. I know about the pain. I know about the anguish. I know about the suffering. It’s awful! So rest assured, and knowing Lowell as I know him – the integrity of this man, he’s in a lot of pain.
Third question, “Will the Lord allow Lowell to repent?” Every natural instinct in your body knows the answer to that question – Of course! He allows everyone to repent. There’s a myth that floats around the church from time to time. It suggests that people who take their lives have committed an unpardonable sin. I’m here to tell you today that’s just flat not true. The Lord will allow Lowell to repair that mistake. He’ll walk him through it. He’ll help him do it. He’s going to allow that.
Fourth question, “Will the Lord forgive him?” Every natural instinct in your body knows the answer to that question. The answer is yes. He will. He will forgive him. And Lowell will receive all the blessings that he rightly deserves from a wonderful life.
Those are the three questions I can answer with surety. The fifth question, I can’t. The fourth question was, “Will the Lord forgive him?” The answer is yes. The fifth question is, “Will you?” I know from sad experience that lots of people don’t. But the Lord has asked us to forgive. He said, “I the Lord will forgive whom I choose to forgive, but of you, you’re required to forgive all men.” I need to talk about forgiveness for a moment. Does the mistake that Lowell made the other night blot out all the good that this man did in his life? No! Elder Holland reflected on that. He was a wonderful missionary. He was a great father. He was a great man. He was dedicated to his Father in Heaven. Like many of us, he made some mistakes, one big one. It doesn’t blot out everything he was. We heard of a wonderful tribute from a beautiful daughter today about the kind of dad he was. None of that gets wiped out.
As I went through the initial stages of my repentance process, one of the major sources of the anguish was the worry that no one would forgive me. Because I somehow got it in my mind as I grew up in the church, that to ultimately forgive someone, for a transgression, you had to forget it. Because we were taught in the scriptures, that when repentance was real and complete, the Lord forgets. How does He do that? He forgets! Wow! Can we, mortals, reach a level of spiritual maturity where we can forget what happened the other night? I don’t think so. Do you think that anybody in this room will ever forget that Lowell took his life? Not in this life. I don’t think so. Do you think anyone, who knows me well, will forget that I was excommunicated from the church? Nope – Hyrum Smith…business leader, great, great grandson of the prophet’s brother, Hyrum? No one will ever forget that! Do you think my kids will forget that? No! BUT, and this is one of those moments where the spirit instructs and saves, in the middle of the night, the spirit taught a great lesson. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. Forgiveness means remembering – but it doesn’t matter any more. I think we can achieve that. I think we can reach a point, as mortals, where we can remember and have forgiven to the point where, in remember, it just doesn’t matter anymore. I challenge each to deal with the fifth question, “Will you forgive him?” I believe you can – you must! That’s what the Lord wants you to do. But you’ll never forget.
I want to share a concept with you that has helped me think through a number of things. During the Vietnam War, I was in the military during that period of time; there was a man by the name of Stockdale. He was an admiral. He was the highest-ranking man to spend time at the Hanoi Hilton as a prisoner of war. And while he was in the prison, for about six years, he discovered that there were three basic types of people incarcerated in that prison. He discovered the same thinking that Victor Frankl discovered at Auschwitz during the Second World War. Victor Frankl wrote about it in his book, “Man’s Search for Meaning.” Then Stockdale wrote about it, and it has become known and has been written about in a number of books since – the Stockdale paradox. The three groups of people that he discovered were these. There were pessimists, optimists, and realists. And this is how he defined each group. The pessimists saw the brutal facts around him and quit. The optimist had boundless faith and ignored the brutal facts. The realist saw the brutal facts, but had faith they could be dealt with.
The reason I share this with you is that in this book, when he wrote about this he said the interesting thing about these three groups is that the first two groups of people died in the camps at Vietnam. Died! Didn’t make it back! I understood why the pessimists didn’t make it. They saw the brutal facts. They were in the middle of South-East Asia. They were 8,000 miles from help and the Marines aren’t going to get in here. We’re going to be here forever, and they died. And some very healthy bodies died.
The second group stunned me! The optimists died! How come the optimists died? Because the optimists had boundless faith but were not willing to look at the brutal facts. And they said to each other, “You know we’ll be out of here by Christmas.” “We’ll be out of here by Valentines.” Every rustle in the bush was the Marines coming to save them. And when every rustle in the bush wasn’t the Marines coming to save them and when they weren’t out by Christmas, and when they weren’t out by Valentines, they died. They gave up and died.
The realists survived. They saw the brutal facts. “We’re in the middle of South-East Asia. We’re not going to be rescued for a long time, but you know what guys, we’ll stick together. We can handle this.” And they did.
A good friend, by the name of Jensen, was in our mission – Lowell knew him – served six years in that prison. There were several LDS fellows there, and the way they kept themselves sane was they would try and remember LDS hymns. They would tap by Morse code on the bars of the jail, and they would send what they could remember of each hymn. They gathered lots of hymns. And one hymn they worked on for four years. They got the first three verses in about 18 months, but the fourth verse took two and a half years to get. They finally got the fourth verse. When they got back, there was only three verses. They had created their own verse, but they survived. Now why do I share that here? I want to ask you the question as what are you going to do about this issue? Pessimists see the brutal facts – Our dad killed himself. It’s pretty awful. Nothing so wrong, it’s awful! And you can give up – if you want. The optimist ignores the facts – puts on a smiley face and pretends it didn’t happen. And the optimists live a lie. The realist sees the brutal facts – We lost our dad, our husband, our son – pretty awful. We’ve got to gather together and help each other now to survive financially and economically. We’ve got to get through school. We’ve got to do stuff that dad normally would have helped us with. It isn’t going to be easy. The optimist has the faith that we can do it. And so I’m asking you today, “What are you going to be?”
On the 19th of October of last year, not this year, but 2001, Steven Covey and I, we have a business together, were asked by Mayor Giuliani of New York City, if we would come back to Manhattan and do a free, one day, workshop for the families of those affected by the 9/11 disaster. He told that their mid-town Manhattan Sheraton had donated their ballroom. They donated our rooms to stay. Would you come back? We’ve got people in some real pain. Would you come back and speak? We said, “We’re there!” We got there on a Thursday night. The seminar was to be on Friday. I got there about midnight. I’ve been in Manhattan many, many times. As I flew up the East river, I was coming from Chicago, and saw the lights where the World Trade Center used to be, it was kind of an eerie feeling. It was a very different landscape now.
At five o’clock the next morning, Mayor Giuliani had arranged for a tour, a private tour of ground zero for Steven and me. At that point, which was just five weeks after the event; sixteen hundred policeman had surrounded ground zero, and had blocked it off. You couldn’t get down there without a police escort. We had to go through four checkpoints to get to ground zero. About 5:15 in the morning, we found ourselves standing on the street in front of where the Marriott Hotel used to be. It used to be called the Vista Hotel. I’ve stayed in that Hotel many times. Only I wasn’t really standing on the street. I was standing on 16 feet of compacted debris. And as we stood there looking at this horrific hole in the ground, the policeman who had been assigned to be our guide began to tell us his story.
He said, “You know, I was here that day. I was standing on the street right about where we are. I heard this big bang, I looked up, and all this stuff came flying out of the World Trade Center.” He said, “You know, it looked like paper when it all came out until it started hitting the ground. It was fifty foot I-beams killing everyone it hit.” He said, “I watched 34 people jump from those towers. Four of them holding hands. I watched eight firemen lose their lives from falling people.” I’m not even believing this. Then he looked at me and said, “Mr. Smith, how many computers do you think there were in the World Trade Center?” I said, “Probably a lot.” He said, “We haven’t found one!” I said, “How come?” “3,000 degree fire. It’s still burning.” As he was talking, a crane pulled a big I-beam out of the rubble, and the end of the I-beam was dripping molten steel. Then he said, “You know the second plane hit and then the building started to come down – we all thought we were dead. We got under a car, and somehow we lived.” That’s how our morning started.
When we got back to the hotel at about 7:30, we had to shower. We were covered with soot. At 8:00, this meeting began. There were 2,000 people jammed into a ballroom designed for 1,500. People were sitting on the floor. It started by two New York policemen and two New York Firemen, carrying the American flag in. I will tell you, It’s hard. And then the Harlem girls choir, sixty young women from Harlem, filed in and sang three patriotic songs, and the music that came out of those kids was amazing. I was very grateful that Steven Covey had to speak first because I was a mess. He spoke for two hours, and then I had to speak for two hours. As I approached the front of the room, there were people all around on the floor. A fireman, about half way back, in uniform, stood up, and he said, “Mr. Smith, are you going to tell us how we get of bed in the morning when we just don’t give a darn anymore?” That’s how it started. It turned out to be one of the toughest, and ultimately the most rewarding experiences I’ve had. I said these words to the fireman – and I want to say these words to you – Emma Jean and the children, and their extended family, and everybody here. If you don’t remember a think I’ve said, remember this statement. I said to this fireman, “Pain is inevitable. Misery is an option.” And he seemed a little stunned. Now what do I mean by that? The fact is, brothers and sisters, bad things happen to good people. They just do. Airplanes fly into buildings. Rivers overflow their banks. Dams break and flood out villages. Accidents happen – people die prematurely. Bad stuff happens to good people. How we choose to deal with the pain is ultimately a measure of who we are.
That’s why the Lord gave us the gospel of Jesus Christ. To help us deal with the pain. Some of the most serene, magnificent, wonderful people I’ve ever known have gone through some major pain in their lives.
Will the Lord forgive? Yes! Ten days ago, tomorrow, President Hinckley and Elder Maxwell, laid their hands on my head and restored all my blessings. Not just some of them. All of them. And President Hinckley mentioned three times in the most amazing blessing I’ve ever heard, all the blessings. I’m here to testify to you today that that will happen to Lowell. He’ll be there. He’ll be ready, Emma Jean. He’ll welcome you with all his blessings. So the challenge for us as the living – to go on.
When the pioneers came across the plains, they periodically had to stop and bury the dead. And the scene was always the same. There’d be a family standing around the grave, and if you looked off into the distance, you could see the wagons – and the wagons were ready to go. The wagons had riders in them. They were waiting for the family to get through with that funeral so that they could move on because they knew, “If we don’t move on, then we’ll die!” They buried their dead, and they moved on.
Well, the wagons are surrounding the building, and they’re ready for us to move on. We pulled off the highways of our lives to pay tribute to a great human being – who made a mistake that can be fixed. And when we’re through here today, we’ll get back in our wagons and move on. We’ll survive. Don’t ever forget the brutal facts, but never lose faith that they can be dealt with. I bear you my testimony that God lives. Jesus is the Christ. He loves everybody in the room. He’ll take care of Lowell. He’ll take care of us too. I bear that witness in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
~
Here are a few more thoughts from my memory of Phil Wightman’s talk from Garrett’s funeral. The talk centered around the scripture in 1 Corinthians 13:12-13 which states, “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.”
In essence, since I went to the funeral with Lowell’s funeral talk in my mind (in fact, my friend, Taylor Willingham, read it to me again on the drive up and I gave a copy to Garrett’s parents) the basics of the talk were the same. Brother Smith approached it with some practical questions and answers to those questions. President Wightman approached it from a doctrine side that we do not really know what goes on in the minds of these individuals when suicide is completed. But we have to have charity, love them and their families, and move forward. In the end, the Lord will sort all things out.
Rest in peace Garrett and Lowell. I look forward to meeting up with you both again some day. Until then, I hope we all can appreciate the suicidal act and hopefully help avoid it in the future, and work forward from those who do commit this unthinkable deed.
First published 5 Jun 2011.
Despite also being popular for Guy Fawkes Day which recently passed, Remember, Remember also relates to Remembrance Day, Armistice Day, or as we treat it in the United States, Veterans Day. As an American, the day is more a holiday than a solemn occasion of reflection or remembrance. Nevertheless, I thought I would honor it this week.
Arlington National Cemetery, Nov 2005
Interestingly, we find many people signing up for secession from the United States. I find it interesting that Guy Fawkes Day and Remembrance Day are so close on the calendar and their memorable phrases start with the same repetition of the word “Remembrance”. We seceded from the empire of Great Britain (which used to celebrate Empire Day on 24 May) and won the battle so secession became a legal right in the new colony. Then part of that new colony seceded and lost the battle so secession was no longer a legal right. The battle over secession is 1-1 on our soil but the latest precedent is against it. Our Declaration of Independence is not a legally binding document, but it certainly underlines the presumption of which the nation was founded, and overturned in the Civil War.
Arlington National Cemetery, Nov 2005
Either way, we honor the veterans on both sides of those conflicts in this nation. It just depends on where you live for which side you might feel a little more inclination. Here in the west, we really acceded into the United States rather than won our right to be a part of this nation. The French and Indian, 1812, and Civil War don’t mean much to us in Idaho.
Arlington National Cemetery, Virginia, Nov 2005
When it comes to the world wars of our century, we have a part to play. Plus it certainly helps to have people we personally know who served and fought in these battles. Most of us know people who lost loved ones in these two wars. Hence these wars and accompanying veterans are more honored at present. In these wars we fought against forced accession into whatever nation was seeking to obtain.
World War II monument, National Mall, Washington, DC, Nov 2005
Then we found ourselves during Korea and Vietnam in what is named the Cold War. We fought against forced accession by nations we did not agree with (we ignored the rest) but also sought to help other nations secede and ultimately become free and independent. We helped win that battle with the freedom of nations that were under the control of the United Soviet Socialist Republic. Elsewhere in the world, Belgium, Portugal, Germany, and the United Kingdom continued to allow other nations to become independent and we supported that movement.
Anna Badger, Jeana Stuart, and Brad Hales at the Iwo Jima monument in Arlington, Virginia, Nov 2005
American policy and law is less than clear on what exactly our position is on secession. The national mood towards our veterans does not even seem to be as clear cut as it has been in times past. A divide continues to build. I am not really sure over what. Whether we are for or against secession, those who are willing to fight for that right, rightly or wrongly, deserve our honor. After all, far too many of them gave the greatest sacrifice a person can give. We find it much more noble when a person voluntarily gives their life (whether they live or die) than those who are not allowed to choose to do so (but not to diminish their sacrifice). I honor our veterans because of what they give and those who give their all. Remember, those who live beyond the conflict still have to live with it the rest of their lives. May we honor all veterans who fight for their cause (are terrorists veterans?).
Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Arlington, VA, Nov 2005
Sagacity 