Mormon

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What it is not

I stumbled upon this quote by Theodore Burton in his book, Meaning of Repentance, pg 96.  I thought I would share it.  I have thought some about it lately and how to more perfect my life.  It is hard to nail down exactly how to do it, much of it really does seem like a God-given gift through faith.  The thoughts made me think.
“Just what is repentance?  Actually it is easier for me to tell what repentance is not than to tell you what repentance is.”

“My present assignment as a General Authority is to assist the First Presidency.  I prepare information for them to use in considering applications to readmit transgressors into the Church and to restore priesthood and/or temple blessings.  Many times a bishop will write: “I feel he has suffered enough!”  But suffering is not repentance.  Suffering comes from lack of complete repentance.  A stake president will write: “I feel he has been punished enough!”  But punishment is not repentance.  Punishment follows disobedience and precedes repentance.  A husband will write: “My wife has confessed everything!”  But confession is not repentance.  Confession is an admission of guilt that occurs as repentance begins.  A wife will write: ” My husband is filled with remorse!”  But remorse is not repentance.  Remorse and sorrow continue because a person has not yet fully repented.  But if suffering, punishment, confession, remorse, and sorrow are not repentance, what is repentance?”

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Jorgensen and Christensen

Robert Mathis shared with me this copy of a short history written by Amanda Emilie Jorgensen.  It is a history of her parents, my fourth Great Grandparents.  It also has a reference to Hanna’s parents.  This was written around 1933.
History of my Parents

My father Olaves Jorgensen was born in Drammen Norway 19 November 1830.

When he was twelve years old he started working in a saw mill for Mr Kjer.

My mother Hannah Mathea Christensen was born in Drammen Norway fourteen November 1831. She was a dressmaker when she was old enough to work. They were married fourth november 1855 in Drammen Norway. Two girls were born there. Constanse and Olga. Then Mr. Kjer transferred Father to Fredrikstad Norway to another saw mill and he worked there until he came to America in 1896.

Mother was very religious and always went to some kind of church but never felt satisfied. She lived in an apartment house and was talking to a lady named Mrs. Ask that lived across the hall. Religion was mentioned and mother said she wanted to find a religion that baptised people like Jesus was baptised.

Mrs. Ask asked her if she had ever heard about the Mormon people and mother said no. Mrs. Ask said to be ready Sunday afternoon and she would take her to hear the Mormon Elders.

As soon as mother heard the Elders preach she knew it was the true church. The Priest and other people tried to tell her it was wrong but she wouldn’t listen. The Elders had to take her to the ocean to be baptised after dark as they would be arrested and put in jaail if they were seen baptising people.

Mother was a very faithful member and the missionaries were always welcome in their home. She was President of the Relief Society for years.

Father wanted to join but didn’t dare to because he knew he would lose his job. Father was baptised just before he and mother came to Utah.

They went directly to Richmond Utah in Cache Valley to be near their daughter Othelia. They were here four years and had never had the opportunity to go to the temple when mother died in November, 1900. Father and Othelia and Constanse came to Logan and did the work for mother and she was sealed to Father. Father died in November 1904 and they were both buried in Richmond Utah.

Mother told me that the pastor of the Luteran Church said her parents Christen Hansen and Marie Evensen were the most beautiful couple he had ever married while he was a pastor.

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Sin to understand?

I have always been a bit irritated with the idea that we have to sin to understand evil.  I understand that the fall of Adam and Eve were something that were part of a plan and that God made provision for the fall.  However, in our day and age it seems there is a line of reasoning that one has to venture into hell to understand it.  It always really bothered me and seems to go against what the gospel would have us do with our lives, meaning avoid and repel temptation.  I remember the old man in England telling me the more we went out of our way to sin the more we would see the Saviour’s atonement in our lives and that we are encouraged to do so to witness the miracle of redemption.  Well, I found a quote that seemed to utter to some degree what I have struggled to find.  While I am not a Lewis fan for the fact that his fans appear to like the nicety of language rather than his intent, I have to share this quote.  Forgive me for using two Lewis quotes in the last three entries!
It is from Mere Christianity,  “No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good.  A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means.  This is an obvious lie.  Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is; after all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in.  You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down.  A man who gives into temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. 

That is why bad people in one sense know very little about badness.  They’ve always lived a sheltered life by always giving in.  We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because he was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means-the only complete realist.”

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Monday, Monday

I remember a time with my Mission President, President Stucki gave a talk on constant perfection.  He made a comment that if we ever felt like we were comfortable, like we had things figured out, like we could sit back and relax it was a great sign we needed to rise up and repent.  Life is a process of constant repentance through improvement and progression.  Somehow I have really taken the counsel to heart and don’t like to feel comfortable.  There is always more to do, someone else’s life to bless, some work needing to be done.
My weeks of late have been filled with a whole host of events.  Tuesday nights finds me at the Family History Library.  I have been spending about a week an evening out with the missionaries.  The Home Teaching list with 6 families requires diligent effort, coordinating with the schedule of my 14 year old companion, and hoping some of them might come around.  There are two widows in the ward whose family history I am inputting on the computer and preparing for temple work.  That requires constant updating and exchanging of information ever week at church.  Preparing and teaching the Family History Class on Sunday.  I go visiting with President Hahn usually about once a week for the Elder’s Quorum Presidency.  Last week I gave a talk in church on Family History.  Tomorrow and Saturday we are preparing chili for the ward and work chili cook-off.  Creating a couple gallons of white chili takes hours in itself.  Chopping up those four huge onions kept my eyes watering for several hours.  A black tie event tomorrow night, costume party Saturday night, Squash on Monday nights.  I don’t feel like I have much time lately.  But I feel very fulfilled with my life at the moment.  I hope someday my life will be remembered like that of President Kimball (whose biography I finished earlier this month) where his life was like an old shoe, worn out in the service of others.
Amanda and I attended a wedding last Saturday and because the weeks have been so busy we had to run to the temple afterwards and come back that same evening.  The week before Amanda spent the whole weekend in Grundy.  The week before was General Conference, which was fantastic I might add.
Work has continually picked up and I am feeling like I have a pretty good grasp on the work and what is required.  I think I may have actually gone a day or two where I did not have to ask a question of a co-worker.  Then today the bombshell came.  Bank of America is doing away with the entire Wholesale Channel.  December 31st will be the last day of Wholesale’s existence.  Meaning, I am without employment January 1st.  Sure, I get a month’s pay for severance.  But hey, I just got hired on!  I started as an official Bank of America employee on October first after four months as a contractor.  Now on January 1st, I am starting over.  Geez, I will have spent more time as a contractor at Bank of America than as an actual associate.  What does the employment world hold for me next?  Will I find another position in Bank of America?  Will I stay in the mortgage industry?  Where will I work for the remaining 6 months I am in Richmond, Virginia?  At any rate, I have the next three months to find a new job.  (Two months at Bank of America, one month’s severance).  My Monday at work was just about to close since I had gone through the rough tumble of learning the in and out of a new job.  Now I get to start all over!
We have decided to take a trip to Europe in June of next year.  We are thinking of spending 3 weeks in Britain and 3 weeks in Northwestern Europe.  We would probably spend 2 weeks in the old mission visiting and staying with people, another week touring parts of Britain, then three weeks with Belgium as our home base.  Our friends James and Catherine Cazier have invited us over and we will probably crash with them at their home in Belgium.  So much of northwestern Europe is within a few hours of there.  I hope to quell Amanda’s desire to live in Paris and we both hope to see much of the storied lands.  I think we will have to skip Germany this time around since there are so many places I would like to personally visit for family history purposes (not for research, just to visit).  Amanda’s goal is to earn the money to pay for the tickets to Europe and then I will pay for the rest.  However, we will have to see how the trip looks as we get closer.  Hopefully we won’t miss a beat in preparing to meet our bills while away on vacation for 6 weeks and pay for the trip itself and then the move to wherever we will move for Law School.  So much depends on my finding a good, new job.  Hopefully not at a lower salary than the one I was earning with Bank of America.
For those who asked if I am still thinking about attending law school in England, the answer is no.  I had an answer to prayer that made it plainly manifest I was not to attend law school in England.  Despite the heartbreak it brought, there was a certain relief at not having to try and figure out the ramifications of attempting to do so.  We also found out that Amanda would find it virtually impossible to work in the UK as a hygienist.  Basically the UK now says no to any hygienist unless they are a EU citizen.  To qualify she would basically have to take half of her schooling over again and the cost would be too prohibitive.  One would think that a country where citizens pull their own teeth for a lack of dentists would openly welcome hygienists and dentists to immigrate.  Classic socialistic medicine at work!
Well, time to shut down.  I have to get up in the morning for a company that doesn’t want me anymore.  There is incentive to do a good job!  Talk about moral hazard temptations abounding all over the place.  Why should I care if I do a good job since there will certainly be no rewards.  What are they going to do?  Fire me.  Wait, they already are.  My incentive is not to care so much since job performance means nothing.  Who cares about customer satisfaction?  It will be a tough walk for all those involved.  Should I take my sick days while I can, even though I am not sick?  What about those paid vacation days I have accrued, use them all, now?  How much time should I dedicate to finding a new job?  It will be a temptation minefield to remain integrity, honesty, and dedication to the company who feels in most senses to have turned against us.  To remain proactive and pushing forward where there are very few incentives will be difficult.
What does the future hold now?  I haven’t had much time to relax and think I am content lately.  The next few months will probably hold even fewer.  The table now has to include job hunting.  I haven’t even completed writing the personal statement and applying to law school (which has some large costs as well, although Amanda tells me I can’t apply to California schools now).
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Runcorn Burning

I received the news today the ward building in Runcorn, Cheshire burned down on Saturday.  It gave me an opportunity to reflect some on my experiences in good ole Runcorn and the building which is now no more.  I do remember hearing they were going to start adding on a new addition for the building.  However, I do not know if they had started yet or if that had any part to do with the fire.  Perhaps somebody thought if they burned it down, they would get a whole new building.  Hopefully the church isn’t as slow in rebuilding this building as I know they have been in replacing other buildings.
I remember seeing pictures of the Runcorn Building being built.  There were pictures of John Byrom’s mother on the roof of the building when it was being shingled.  I can see other good Saints helping in the construction of their building.  I remember hearing the stories of John and Audrey McKee in helping build the Birkenhead Ward Chapel.  They still had the saw that he used to cut a pipe down in a hole one day.  He asked if the power was turned off and assured several times it was.  The saw proved that it had not been.  He had shared stories about helping build other buildings, the Chester and Runcorn Chapels included.  Even though he lived in Wallasey he traveled to help.  That is the way I guess they did it.  I can see the pictures of Ray Holmes and some of his family helping on a building, I am not sure if it was the Runcorn Building though.  I tend to believe it was.
In another month or so it will be 8 years since I was transferred to Runcorn.  It was there I was assigned to be Elder Hales’ companion.  I had only met the boy a half year before at Pizza Hut in Stretford on Preparation Day.  He was a new missionary and I would see him a couple of months before one of us was transferred elsewhere.  I arrived at 29 Handforth Lane early one morning.  Brother Wood (Rob or Bob, cannot remember) had driven me from Eccles to Runcorn.  We became terribly lost on the meandering roads of Runcorn.  At one point we found ourselves illegally on the busway.  We finally pulled into the flat to find John Pass there with his father, Doug, to welcome me.  They actually were cleaning up some of the front and fixing the shower downstairs.  It had been having some problems.  I remember embracing Brother Wood and the expression on his face.  I too had really come to love Eccles and was not looking forward to leaving.
I entered which definitely had to be one of the largest flats in the mission.  Three floors and it was all to ourselves.  Just weeks before the missionaries for Northwich had lived there.  That P-day Brad and I cleaned up the apartment.  We stacked mattresses upon mattresses in the 3rd flood bedroom.  I remember being astonished there was a weight room on the 3rd floor.
That evening Elder Hales took me to visit the Bennett’s and the Byrom’s.  The Bennett Family was less active.  We sat there visiting with them and that was the first time I ever heard or saw Britney Spears.  She was in a music video singing her One More Time song.  Of course the family had to stop all conversation and turn it up.  We watched.  After that, we excused ourselves and walked to the Byroms.  There we met the whole family and their friend Simone Keogh.  It would begin a relationship that continues even until today.
I am going completely from memory so I may be slightly off in some of the details, but I believe I am correct.  But Runcorn proved to be one of what I felt was my most productive areas.  Elder Hales and I struggled sloshing through the rest of 1999.  One day in the kitchen of 29 Handforth Lane we had a disagreement that would change our relationship.  Our impromptu Companionship Inventory would change the rest of our missions.  Through the week that followed we adapted to each other and our unity increased.  The Lord visibly blessed us in a myriad of ways.  The remainder of Elder Hales’ time and my own in Runcorn saw success regularly afterward.  Our teaching pool became full, we saw lives change, and baptisms started occuring every week.  They were not always ours, but they were the district’s.
Every week we would have our District Development Meeting in the Runcorn Chapel.  The Elder’s from Chester, Northwich, and the Sister’s would join us.  Every week the baptisms were held at the Runcorn Chapel.  It was only a few weeks later the Northwich Branch was created and split from Runcorn.  It was a very exciting time.  We had whole families who were starting to come out.  The chapel was becoming fuller and fuller despite the loss of Northwich.  The whole energy was powerful.  We were very fortunate to be there then.
It was from those friendships there so many other experiences have come.  I would never have entertained Elder Haight or met Elder Ballard if it were not for Runcorn.  My Mission President and I bonded during this time.  I still count Brad Hales as one of my closest friends today.
I remember watching from the weight room in the Handforth Flat the fireworks for Y2K.  We had the perfect view overlooking the valley between us and Frodsham, Helsby, and towards Ellsmere Port.  The fireworks were phenomenal.  In the next room was the bathtub we had shined and filled with water for preparation just in case something should go wrong and we should have no water.  We had a score of water saved there for the drinking or for the toilet right there if need be.
Just across the tracks was the home of the Stake Patriarch, Tony and Norma Johnson.  We spent many an evening on their doorstep or in their dining room.  They were very good to us on a regular occasion.  If it wasn’t for Patriarch Johnson I would not have met Elder Brough and years later be asked if he knew me at a Stake Conference in Logan, Utah.  I remember accidentally fluffing it one evening after dinner to the horror of the Johnson grandchildren.  However, Norma was very civilized and all went on as if had never happened.  It was only a squeek but enough for the kids to smirk.  I am grateful for those who understand our slip ups and keep moving on with life.
I remember many evenings sitting there while Elder Hales made phone calls and I planned for the next day.  I admire how humble he was for making the phone calls because I so much disliked it.  Every evening after the calls he would collapse in bed irritated by the Sisters and annoyed that I harrassed him about being on time for prayers.  He was a humble man and I can only hope all the lessons I learned are retained and applied.
I don’t remember how often, but it was that flat we would arise at 5:30 AM to go running.  We would run and both would be exhausted by the time we got back.  It was then to shower and get ready for the day.  I really enjoyed our scripture study.  Is it any wonder that all the future times we were roommates we carried on that tradition.  Together we finished the entire Standard Works in 2003.  That was a goal we made together and achieved.
Anyhow, Runcorn holds many fond memories.  Elder Hansen who now lives in Richmond, Virginia and whose wife Amanda worked with this summer, that association was started in Runcorn.  Sister Peterson in Oakley started association in Runcorn.  President Wightman called me in Runcorn as he became lost going the wrong way on a busway.
It was on the porch of the Runcorn building I played with the Fullwood girls.  It was in the choir seats of Runcorn I refused to make a hip beat of a hymn.  It was in Runcorn I did a solo in the Easter Cantata.  I think it is sure to say, the Runcorn Ward and Chapel will forever be remembered as a great increasing point for the fire which burns in my bones.
I have heard in recent years the Runcorn Ward has diminished in activity.  There appears to have been a great deal of tumult in the ward.  Even the Byrom Family, who I would never have thought to separate, has been split asunder.  A former Bishop went Apostate and now the building has burned down.
One thing is for sure.  It can only go up from here.  I wish I was in Runcorn now to be a part of the rebuilding.
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The World of Adoption

Let me tell you, the process of selecting individuals to adopt a baby is hard work.  I can imagine what it must be like to some degree to be hunting for a spouse online.  I really prefer doing things in person.  Since the person with the baby doesn’t have access to the internet at home, I offered to help do the search.  I have reached out to friends, family, and the LDS Social Services website to find those who might provide a good home.
On the good side, the response has been wonderful.  I am learning a whole lot about an area I really did not know existed.  What is more, it is much more extensive, organized, and larger than I would have ever thought.  Many have responded and contacted me and many have been culled from the crowd by LDS Social Services’ rules and restrictions.  On a good note, I did find a cousin of mine who announced to his family they were going to adopt and his sister just happened to know I was looking for someone.  We made the connection and are working to see if we can follow that end through.
Just as with missionary work, you don’t focus all your attention on just one or two when they might fall through.  I spent probably a good six hours on the LDS website working through all the biographies on there.  I think I reviewed every single one of them to one degree or another and have a list of about 30 couples that caught my eye and felt good.  I have shared that list with the birth mother but plan on narrowing the list down to about 15.  I just have to spend a few more hours in order to work through their profiles more closely.  I am quite impressed with the variety of individuals though that are in those 30.  I was afraid when I started I would only choose photogenic couples or younger ones.  But such has not been the case.  I think they extend to all ages, all sizes, educational backgrounds, ect.  They are all over the country as well.  I know there are another couple or two who are going through what they need to for them to be considered an option.
On the whole, this whole scenario has raised the profile of adoption.  As I have visited with people it is funny how many people will not be available for this baby but are seriously registering so they can adopt in the future.  So what might be a sticky situation for the birthmother here is in my view working some great things.
I will tell you, I continue to have some sleeplessness at night in concern for this child who isn’t even mine.  But as I help work through and select parents to raise this child, I feel a certain affinity for him.  What is even more interesting, I think of all the children who have been adopted before.  How much time, effort, and money that has gone into each one.
There is so much planning and consideration that goes into place for any child to be born.  But it is a whole new array of choices and decisions to make for an adoption, at least where we get to play a part in it.  Even then, social workers and many people still work to make the adoption work.  If it doesn’t benefit anything else, I know it has benefitted me.  I have had to weigh all the options in the possilibity of us taking this baby.  Then when we just couldn’t make that work, trying to work out for others to have the opportunity, help them to plan, and keep the birthmother’s plate as little as possible has been a chore.  It has had its rewards though.
It truly takes a community even to bring a baby into this world.  At least to do it well.  It only expands from there.  It is amazing the world we live in!
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Farewell to Terry

 

Yesterday early afternoon I received a phone call to notify me of the death of a dear friend.  There is always an interesting surge of emotions with the death of a person, especially one you feel such a kinship with.  Somehow though, I couldn’t help but feel a total sense of relief and release.

Terry McCombs was born in Rupert, Idaho and grew up on the farm outside of Rupert.  He graduated from Minico in probably its most notable time.  He went to school when Minico was known nationally for its band program.  The high school was still under 10 years old and Southern Idaho was in the Post-war boom.  Some of his mentors both in choir and band were to forever influence his life.  There was something about the farm soil and the passion of music that set Terry on his future.

I met Terry for the first time in 1997.  I had been asked to accompany a friend, Elena McBride, on the piano for a vocal number she was doing.  She wanted me to meet her vocal coach, Terry McCombs.  There was a McComb’s in my grade who I knew and one just younger who was in choir and who I knew more through friends.  These both turned out to be Terry’s niece’s.  Our meeting took place in Terry’s childhood home where his mother still lived with Terry’s brother’s family.  We sat there at the piano and I played perhaps a few chords when Terry asked me if I sang.  I confessed that I had no singing talent whatsoever and had never really tried.  He took over at the piano bench and then began to have me try a few exercises.  He attempted for hours to get beyond my modesty (my attempt to cover a poor voice).  After several hours, Elena’s lesson turned into an reworking of my thinking concerning singing.  For the most part of which he was very successful at rewiring.  Afterward I remember Elena being upset that her lesson was all about a lesson for me.

Terry had me commit to come to a lesson with him in a studio apartment he was using within about a mile from his home.  It was a little bedroom in the loft and a little living room below with a couch and piano.  I seem to remember a small kitchen and bathroom in the entry level.  We descended into the little living room about a week later and he sat on the couch and I sat in the chair.  Terry always had it a bit on the cool side but it definitely was cozy.  He then spent about an hour teaching me the doctrine of singing.  I remember him offering a prayer that seemed to turn my heart to complete mush.  I was so overwhelmed at such a powerful experience.  Coming from an inactive LDS home, I had no real clue what it was I was experiencing.  I had prayed before, and even seen prayers answered, but never had I experienced what I did that day.  Heaven literally descended and engulfed us that day.

After teaching me on the doctrines of the restoration of all things and of singing he then went on to teach me what he knew and how he knew it.  He bore powerful testimony of what it was he was teaching that day.  I remember openly weeping for the joy that engulfed my heart and how I recognized my life changing before my very eyes.  My very nature was changing in that room.  We then went to the piano and he began to unravel to me some of my physical nature.  I admit I understood more the nature of my throat, singing, and of life then than at any point in my life, probably even since.  It was interesting how he always framed everything with a view for eternity and the building of Zion.

What came from my mouth, from my very heart, was so beautiful we both wept.  Terry sang a song for me that even today haunts me with how beautiful it was.  He then sang a song from Rigoletto that was simply amazing.  He sat at the piano and I sang a song that day which I have not been able to sing since.  It haunts me how beautifully I sang and it kills me I have not been able to sing like that since.  There was such an outpouring of the Spirit.  I do not know if I can ever share what happened that day.  The gifts of the Spirit were present and angels ministered to us.

We met many, many times again in that little elevator to the heavens.  Sadly, I don’t know what happened after a couple of months.  Whether it was my pride or influences in his life, but it began to falter.  We started meeting again in his parents house and doing lessons there which were interrupted and never of much value.  We then started meeting in his home, the old out garage converted into a studio/living room connected to a trailer.  It was never quite the same.  I really don’t know why to this day.

My Senior year at Minico brought the musical Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.  I don’t remember how many lessons before the play I had with Terry but I had such a zeal with singing now I auditioned for the play.  I had been singing in the choir now for a little while.  I totally bombed the audition but somehow I was still put in as one of the brother’s.  Honestly, I did so poorly I didn’t know if they would let me even be a dancer.  That is how badly I auditioned vocally.  I could never translate how I could sing in lessons to doing it in front of other people.  I was terrible when anyone else listened.  Even the State Solo Competition I sang for and did so poorly I didn’t even finish the song.  The choir helped me some.  Good thing it was an open class.

Terry helped a number of us quite a bit with our singing for that play.  I improved considerably under Terry but never could find the voice I had in our lessons on stage.  It drove me completely crazy to know how heavenly it could be and it just never translated outside the studio.  Our lessons continued and I learned a great deal.  We continued to cover the history of music and the mechanics of the voice.  All of which I still feel like I have a pretty good handle since I was learning them from a spiritual perspective.

Minico ended and my whole life had now become engulfed in music.  I had my musical training from band all the way from 6th grade.  I could read and understood basics of music.  I had taught myself a half dozen new instruments in high school and I wrapped up high school putting on finishing touches to play the piano in the mission and learning the master the voice.

I went to Utah State knowing how much I loved music but I would not be pursuing a degree in anything related to it.  It was completely my hobby.  I went home at least every couple of weeks.  Due to situations at home I would either stay with my Grandma or I would stay with Terry.  We often spent all Friday night in a lesson.  It was something about the two of us that somehow we connected and heaven was with us.  I don’t know if he had these experiences with others.  I know he had in the past but I sensed it wasn’t happening with others at the time.  He often expressed his frustration with me at how he wished others wanted to learn just for the sake of learning rather than trying to do it for publicity, pride, or money.  He knew I had nothing to pay him and I wasn’t about to ask my parents for more money since they were helping me through school.  I think that is one thing that changed later.  When his situation got a bit more desperate and he needed money I had nothing to offer and he was required to spend his time teaching paying students.

The time came for the mission and I was prepared.  My own research and experience on my own time had gained me many experiences with the Spirit.  I had come to gain a personal testimony of the Bible, Book of Mormon, Prophets and Apostles, Priesthood, and a bunch more.  I think one thing that was unique is that Terry had opened me up to a very different side of religion.  It wasn’t just the knowledge of it or doctrines, but it was the personal experiences with it.  Through college our lessons moved from the vocal aspects to mostly discussing religion and sharing experiences.  I had obtained many new experiences with heaven and Terry had a wealth of them to share as well.  I think many thought I was a bit crazy with how literally I was experiencing my associations with the other side of the veil but Terry always understood.  I remember my Grandma would get so excited when I told her about some of the experiences.  She would tell me of some of her own.  Mom I instantly recognized was out to kill or denounce anything of which I was experiencing.  She quickly would tell me how it was a cult and I was being brainwashed.  When I would confront her about how literally some of my experiences were she would chalk it up to hallucinating or something else.  Terry and Grandma were two who understood.

It was such an interesting road.  My roommates at college I don’t think knew how to take what was happening.  Some were very understanding at the beginning, others finally warmed to it.  By the end of the school year at Utah State we had all experienced some things together.  The turmoil and emotions of the year were difficult with my parents divorcing and the changing face in so many relations.  The roommates weathered all those and were very understanding.  But the thing I remember most is the little spiritual times I had with each of them and interestingly have bonded each of us together since.  All four of them we continue to feel very closely united even despite distance and time.

Terry offered to have someone provide the musical number for the mission farewell.  He did and I was very grateful.  Surprisingly, he offered some money to help pay for the mission that makes me blush that he would give it to me.  He never wrote a letter, I don’t think I ever wrote him a letter during those two years, but we had communication.  I remember one night I had a dream of a phone call to Terry while I served in Eccles.  It was after my Grandmother had passed away.  We chatted about a few things and I told him of my experiences with Grandma after she passed away.  He told me of some of the experiences he had with his own father after he passed away.  It helped confirm what I was experiencing.  In the dream he told me to get a copy of Parley P Pratt’s Autobiography and to read it.  After I returned home from the mission and had been home a few weeks, Terry called me.  What I had totally passed off as a powerfully spiritual dream came very close to home when he asked if I enjoyed Brother Pratt’s book.  That is just the way Terry was.

Terry asked me to come to visit him in Branson, Missouri after I returned from the mission.  I went to visit him in a heartbeat.  Terry wanted to start lessons again and asked me to move to Branson.  I went back home and made arrangements and headed out for Missouri.  It turned out to be a wonderful experience.  I thoroughly loved my time while I was there.  He mentioned that I was there for two purposes: To learn to love in a way unselfishly and to gain some great experience to carry me throughout my life.  He proved to be very prophetic on both accounts.  I learned to love in several ways which hurt terribly.  I definitely learned some lessons there.  I learned some valuable lessons in management, the corporate world, missionary work outside the mission, and family history.

Terry and I both lived under the same roof with several other families the first year I was there.  It turned to be a very wonderful experience.  I had three families I could call my own in the same house.  Each of them taught me some very important lessons.  Without going into details, it proved to be a time I still find myself thankful for in prayer.

I remember one night I had a dream where I had a dream in answer to a prayer.  I woke up afterwards and immediately went to knock on Terry’s door.  At 3:00 AM in the morning I recounted to him my experience and we both wept for joy.  He shared with me an experience where one of his prayers had been answered by dream just nights before.  This was the type of connection I had with Terry.

Interestingly, it is how merciful heaven is in dealing with us.  Terry definitely had a personality.  Some characteristics I will openly admit drove me crazy.  His little antics sometimes were detestable at how he treated others.  Even me a couple of times.  At other times I could not help but feel sorry for him with the struggles he had on so many fronts.  He had a temper.  He had his bias nature.  He had all his imperfections.  He was not a physically beautiful man by any real means.  However, his heart was something different.  I sat in on many lessons and it was interesting how completely different some of them were.  Some of them it seemed he was trying to impress them so he could gain their trust.  Some it seemed he had to debase himself to get the heart.  Others it appeared he had to bully them.  Every lesson was very different.  I never understood if he was catering to the personality of each or what it was.  My lessons were very direct, even almost unspoken at times.  It was not uncommon for a look to communicate everything.

When it came time for my leaving Branson, we both knew.  I only saw Terry a couple of times after that.  In fact, I think it was only twice after.  Once was in Utah and the last time was a year ago as Amanda and I drove on our way to Virginia.  We stopped and spent several hours with him.

I spoke with him on the phone for over an hour just a month or so ago and he was in good spirits.  It was with a bit of shock I received the phone call telling me he had passed the night before.  Somehow though, it seems like it would be the way Terry would do it though.  My first reaction was that little scoundrel did this on purpose.  But then I sensed a peace about the whole thing and it was meant to be.

In looking back, Terry always introduced me to people as the one with a pure soul.  I don’t know if it is true or not, but I always wanted to be a little better with that title.  Terry always had people who either loved or hated him.  People somehow switched those sides often with him.  I never understood why.  But something about the man endeared people and also brought on some of the strongest criticism.  But in the end he usually weathered it well.

I haven’t had any experiences with Terry spiritually for a couple of years now.  Perhaps we just grew apart.  But now that he has passed, I anticipate something small, at least for a temporary good bye.  If not, this is my little pushing off the ship of a good friend.  I will see you later mate.  I love your soul.

by

Stepping on toes

It is time I added another update for the blog.  Many interesting things are happening in life.  Last Saturday the car passed 200,000 miles on the way to Washington.  We celebrated by having all the front seals and head gasket replaced on Wednesday.  That put us out a good $400.  Sure has been a good car.  Amanda said one of the mechanics told her about a car that had just come in which had 640,000 miles.  I sure hope this little Camry gets that many miles.  It has been worth the cost so far.
We purchased a vacuum recently.  That is a great thing.  This apartment had just enough fine dust that I was nearly constantly sneezing.  I don’t have allergies, I don’t have problems with dirt, but somehow fine dust blown around by the fan just makes my nose attempt self-destruction.  My record so far is 12 sneezes in a row.  I did not set that this week, but that is my record.  I have no hopes of attempting it again, hence the vacuum.
I received a phone call from a Mr. Frank Overfelt yesterday.  His mother is Vay Amanda Carlisle.  She was born in 1900 and passed away in 1962.  She married more than once, but eventually to Mr. Ira Overfelt.  However, this good man, Frank, went to the Salt Lake Temple to see what he could do in relation to family history for his mother.  The temple told him it had not been done been submitted by a Mr. Paul Ross.  They went on to give him my address and phone number.  It had my Idaho number and they called and visited with Jan.  She gave him my cell phone and he wasted no time in contacting me.  Before I go on, I try to make sure that all those for whom I submit to the temple are within the guidelines.  I admit I let that slide a little bit where I know the descendants are not LDS.  The principle is that if they were born in the last 95 years, you do not do their temple work.  Mrs. Vay was born 107 years ago so I was not too worried about it.  But Mr. Overfelt called wanting to know why his mother’s family history had been done.  Luckily for him, very little had been done on the card and I called the Boise Temple and had it cancelled.  I let him know he should have a free and clear light to go ahead.  Now I just have to hunt down that card, wherever in the world it is!    I surely hope somebody doesn’t try to do another ordinance on it or I will have the temple calling me with a few kind, direct words.  I really enjoy family history, I enjoy seeking people out, but I feel bad when I step on other’s toes.  But I was well within guidelines and Mr. Overfelt should not have waited so many years to do the work.  Interestingly, he sealed his parents in 1979 but did not have his mother’s work completed beforehand.  I hope the temple doesn’t call him wanting an explanation like they did once to me!
Amanda and I received a letter in the mail this week with a check for $10,000 from Capital One.  It was one of those write your own loan scenarios.  With us looking at the purchase of a car, it was a very tempting offer.  We soon realized we could go to the bank and probably get half the interest rate.  It was hard to shred that check for such a large amount.  We continue to pay off our debts and prepare for the future.  Amanda has made enough now she can pay for her $900 pair of glasses for dental hygiene.  Now she just has to make enough for the service trip to Jamaica to help poor people with their teeth (If you wish to donate, I do have a paypal account!  Feel free to send $5 or $50.)
Work continues well.  I am becoming more confortable navigating the tedious screens and pages of 20 year old DOS based program.  But hey, if nobody can come up with a more reliable program, why change?  I do believe there is probably a program out there, but BOA isn’t willing to spend the money on it.  Until then I learn the codes and pages and then do the mortgages on top of it.  I am becoming quite a bit more comfortable there as well.  So much, I went through 25 new loans on Friday.  I think that is quite the achievement.  I will have this mortgage business all sorted out by the time I am done.
Well, it is Sunday, it is naptime, and I am surely in need of it.  I was assigned to teach Family History to the Elder’s Quorum today.  It went alright but I was very short on time.  I generally felt the lesson went well but I didn’t get to drive some of the points home as directly as I would have wanted.  Leave no doubt, they definitely know I feel passionately about the topic and that family history is a requirement for them now in their lives.  I drove around for a half hour handing out new Home Teaching Assignments.  Caught them all home but one and he is my companion so I am covered there.